I had a rocky time of it over the last few months. I don’t really know why, but I spent much of the summer down, having trouble motivating to care much about things, or to be creative (with anything from cooking to clothes). I was (am?) snappish and impatient and generally not a great person, I’m afraid. Do you ever have blue periods that are hard to kick yourself out of? Part of my problem has definitely been this awkward transition age, as T spent July and August becoming a toddler (all that mobility, all that willpower, all the times each day that I have to tell him “no”). For a while I became obsessed with finding somewhere to move to (clearly it’s the three flights of stairs that are making me miserable), but the hunt was even more depressing and made me a little crazy, to boot. One of my best mom-friends moved away at the very beginning of the summer and I found days (weeks) going by where all my play-time with T was just the two of us, and I got really lonely.
I’ve generally been a pretty content person, or at least not a depressive one, so it was really hard for me to figure out how to react to a general sensation of unhappiness that followed me around for a sustained period. Of course there were plenty of individual moments/hours/days that were great, but it was a switch for my baseline to be achingly blue, instead of bumbling along relatively happy. Whatever has caused it, I need to move on now.
The last few weeks brought a lot of joy: T’s first birthday, the birth of a most beloved friend’s gorgeous little girl, a great vacation in New Hampshire with good friends, periods of weather, new boots. Fall is coming–my favorite time for fresh starts–and I’m looking hard at how I move through life and how I can be better and do more. I’m trying to declutter, get organized, etc.
On the organization front here’s a gross grey cloud with a shiny silver lining: We suffered a horrifying infestation of pantry moths in late August, and while repulsive, the experience forced a very thorough deep-cleaning, organizing, and purging of the pantry. It’s now mostly devoid of food, so as we head into fall I’m going to try to be more thoughtful in what I bring in and how I use it to avoid waste. (Ugh, we threw out so much food. Blargh.)